Pulling a veggie on a vegan

“I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian” –Anorexic Atheist (eating chicken since 1987)

My post couldn’t have starter on a graver note. But the inevitable future needs to be spoken about, for sides need to be taken and alliances forged. The issue at hand is not terrorism, racism and religious fanaticism yet is more global in its appeal and primordial to mankind. It is the war between vegans and non-vegans.

I see no future for terrorism. Terrorist in my opinion is not exactly the classic definition of wise guy. No offence to the phlegm syllabled homo saps but in spite of their extensive training and meticulous planning they seem to forget to get away after lighting the fuse with alarming consistency. When it hits the news their outfit claim it to be a successful “suicide” bombing. They obviously have a good P.R. but a lousy H.R.Their incentives seem to be in line with their job security. They get 72 virgins in heaven. So blowing is your job on earth and 72 others will handle the same in heaven. To quote Walter the puppet "Frankly I would prefer 1 pro who knows what she is doing to 72 clueless girls".

Moving on to racism, the battle is already over and the blacks won. One parameter considered was attraction to the opposite sex and the ladies preferred black men for recreational and procreational activities (also recreational procreation, seems to mean the same thing in any order of arrangement). The answer is simple white men can’t hump.

This brings us to the culinary wars. The early sign of its cause was observations by a group of wanna be engineers highly specialized in nothing in particular, that a group of people though varied in religion, caste, race, gender etc are barely conscious of these differences under normal circumstances but the mere act of having food together incites divisional tendencies, The non-veg on one side and veg on the other. As an affiliate of the better side I must indulge myself in the act of bashing my lesser adversaries by all means necessary (verbal and textual so far) to do my part in this war.

Vegetarians will be spared as they have a mere aversion to meat which came about not by a thought process and they do not have any feelings towards this issue, so to say have a “vegetative” state of existence. My ire is directed to vegans who consider vegetarianism as a philosophy, particularly to must-be banned outfit called PETA. In a desperate attempt to add purpose to their miserable existence they embrace a cause which they feel would lead to a more natural way of life. They see the world through rosy glasses and think eating meat involves some amount of cruelty which is spared in case of vegetables. Is the death of a plant in anyway less than the death of chicken? If chicken has blood, plants have sap but it’s the hemoglobin in the former that makes you cringe. At least the chicken can express its pain, a plant can’t and we don’t exactly have a shortage in supply of chicken but we do have the issue of deforestation. Every year vast expanses of forest area is converted into agricultural land and NOT poultry farms. So you can see that eating meat actually saves our environment. But sadly enough, the vegans don’t get the big picture; they campaign by putting supermodels in cages to indicate cruelty against animals (appreciate that, though it works against their purpose) and make them pose nude for anti-fur campaign (appreciate that too, though I see a pic of the same model in fur next to this pic on image search).

Some radical members have gone to the extend of boycotting dairy products claiming that cows are not allowed to graze in vast meadows in Switzerland, they are injected with oxytocin hormones for more yield and forced into animal husbandry. If this is inhuman then what is human? To work in little cubicles? Or testosterone, Viagra, botox instead of oxytocin? And I wish I was made to mate with superior quality partners.

So if any fathead wants to be the John Connor of the vegan resistance then you can bet my T1000 ass that this war will be of gastronomical proportions.